Sunday, November 18, 2012

eventually you have to move

Maybe it's because my life has been a lot crazier, and I haven't had a lot of time where I just want to sit and write things. Maybe I just haven't had a lot of blog-worthy things happen. I've gotten into this thing where there are things I'd love to write about, but they don't need to be in the blogosphere for any random person to see. So I don't write anything. but guys, I can't not write right now. I've put it off, but too much is whirling around now. I should be doing homework. I really just have a lot of feelings floating around right now and I can't settle and I'm listening to epic soundtrack music as study jams and clearly it's not working. oops. I just spent the last hour watching the recap/not-really-livestream-since-it-was-yesterday  video stream from MOVE:DC. and I'm just so conflicted. I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THERE. I am so so extremely bummed things didn't work out for me to be there and it's eating away at my concentration because I know it was literally the most amazing experience and so world-changing and inspiring and it kills me that I wasn't there. I should have made it happen. I'm going to try to not dwell on it, but it just was such a shot to my heart when I gotten my hopes so high to be going and then it came crunch time and we just couldn't pull it off. Crushed. My concentration was so gone that first week I got the crazy idea in my head to go. I hadn't considered going until the end of October when Invisible Children did a screening at Baylor. I was just so re-energized and inspired by that, that it just made sense to go to DC. and then I didn't and this weekend all I could think about was how I was supposed to be in DC. I mean seeing Baylor crush the #1 team in the country was pretty legit, but not world changing. I went for a run Saturday morning and had Jake Hamilton's "The Anthem" on repeat. I prayed for my friends who were at MOVE:DC and it was all I could do to not want to go crazy listening to that song and thinking about everything that was going on in DC. If you haven't heard the song, I highly recommend it...for lack of a better phrase, it's been my anthem for the past month or so. I'm obsessed.
I JUST WANT TO CHANGE THE WORLD. But really. Me going to DC was going to be my little piece in the world changing puzzle. Now I don't know what to do. I want to travel and see the world and experience new things and get messed up for justice. I want to see history in the making. I want to be a part of something bigger than me. I want to MOVE.
There isn't a real point to this blogpost, but I just needed to get that out there. If no one reads this or if you do and think "Okay...that was silly." then so be it. I do care what you think, but not about me. I just want people to care about Invisible Children and stopping Joseph Kony and the LRA. Or if they aren't going to care about about something! Care about something big! You don't have to care about the same things I do, but let's all at least respect each other and don't bash things till you actually do research and have looked into it and know the facts more. I realize this is kind of off topic, but not. People bashed Invisible Children after the whole breakdown after Kony 2012 and people...seriously? We're all human. How quick we are to judge people we don't know. I hate it. Enough on that.
Again, this is a blur of a post with no real point except to get my thoughts out. So love it or leave it. Boom.

Saturday, September 29, 2012

it's raining, it's pouring, i'm almost snoring

I wish. Ha. It's actually only like 6pm so I'm nowhere near snoring. But I've been sitting at my computer for far too long working on fixing this assignment I didn't do right for my social work practice class. and watching some How I Met Your Mother in the mix of that. It's been raining literally all day. I woke up and thought about running in the rain, but something about that seemed so depressing and wet-rat feeling so I nixed that idea and went back to sleep longer.
I know I haven't written in a long time about random things of the semester, so I thought I'd try to do that a bit. I'll just make a little list of exciting things that have happened so far this semester, some probably bigger than others, but you know.

1. Well the other day, I went on a spontaneous adventure with one of my roommates around Waco. We visited some places that made me feel like a tourist in my own town, which was loads of fun. The best part was discovering a castle. Yep, you read that right. Waco has a castle!! After being in Scotland and seeing amazing castles in my travels abroad, this castle was pretty weak, but still amazing to see even a little guy!

2. A couple weeks ago, one of my good friends from high school was in Waco for a conference with her team from Invisible Children. It was such refreshment to get to hang out with her where I am so much of my life now and show her cool places and see her joy and passion. I absolutely love her and am so glad she gets to be back here at the end of October!

3. That same week my friend was here I went to my first concert since being back in the states and praise Jesus, it was $5 and at Common Grounds. Love. The artist was Steve Moakler and I actually had never heard his music until like 2 months ago when I saw that he was coming to Common Grounds. I had heard of his name because he's friends with a lot of other musical artists I like. So I started on a kick of nothing but Steve Moakler for the longest time leading up to the concert. I went with a freshman friend and her roommate and then we ran into one of her guy friends while waiting in line, so we all hung out and concerted it up together. It was lots of fun to get to hang out with people I don't see all the time and make new friends.

4. I've started volunteering for my Poverty in Waco class at the church I go to down here with this program they do every Friday night called FEAST. It's a meal and a sort of church service, ministry time for the poor. It's really cool. I sit with the people and try to talk to them and get to know them and engage them in the service. It's hard because I'm not as comfortable around adults, and being a new volunteer is weird because almost all the other volunteers have been doing it forever/are adults so I feel a little out of place, but whatever. There's this one guy I've sat with the past 2 weeks named Carl who is a sweet old man who I hope I'll get to know more.

5. Once forever ago at the beginning of the year, I was a Welcome Week Leader.
6. I've gotten better at Tai Chi. I have my midterm next week. Eek.
7. I made a recipe I found on Pinterest. It was a rousing success.
9. I actually did something for Labor Day and went to Austin.
10. Then I went to the only Baylor game I've gone to all year. Boo away games and schedule conflicts. But I saw a friend from Indiana who's at SMU this semester! That was a blasty blast.

That's all I...WAIT. NO IT'S NOT. I almost forgot about another one of my favorite moments from this past week.
11. Thursday, I went to lunch with my sociology professor. I absolutely love his class because he is so unique in the way he does things and he definitely makes class and learning fun for everyone. He also does awesome stuff like invite whoever to go to lunch in the dining hall with him. So I did. Granted, I probably wouldn't have gone if my one friend in the class wasn't going either and he's kind of a legend in class now because of his social norm breaking, so yeah. Haha either way, lunch was really a good experience. I think my professor [Kevin, as he asks us to call him] said it best. He said something to the effect that Baylor is a top research university with the heart of a liberal arts college. So we get the amazing opportunity to be able to not only go to great big sporting events and the like, but also enjoy the chance to get to go to lunch with professors and it not be out of place. Baylor's in the sweet spot of higher education and I'm so glad I took advantage of that sweet spot to go to lunch with a professor! Not many people get that chance, so sic 'em bears. Haha

Indiana friends!

Pinterest success.
postcard perfect weekend.
Waco's very own castle!

living the dream.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

like tumbleweed

I feel a bit like tumbleweed.
Can't settle, always moving.
Changing, gathering, growing.

Well this was going to be just a poem, but I'm not really feeling the poetry wave right now, so I'm just gonna write some. So yeah. Tumbleweed. My life. I'm back in Waco and while I am enjoying it, I feel out of place. I don't really get it. I mean, maybe it's the whole being gone a semester when so much happened and so many people I loved transitioned out of college so I feel a bit like a newbie even though clearly I'm not. I wasn't in contact as easily and even when I was back in the States for the summer, I still didn't have Texas contact very much. But let's be real, I know Baylor. But I feel like everything I don't anymore. This is one of those moments where I'm like oh yeah, well God's the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow so shoot, even though I feel like I'm just floating around in all the weird feelings, I've still got God who's always been the same whether I'm in Scotland, having the greatest summer of my life, or back in the Wack. I can hold onto Him and trust Him to bring me foundation. Consistency? I'm not really sure; all I know is that I'm a mix of all sorts of feelings about anything and everything going on in my life right now, so ask me how I'm feeling and anything could really go. Because I'm happy, I'm sad, I'm upset, I'm excited, I'm scared, I'm frustrated, I'm wishful.
So much has happened in myself since I was last in Waco and so much has happened in Waco since I was here too. It's like I've grown, and now my clothes don't fit? Is that a weird metaphor? Maybe, but it kind of works. Like the things I'm used to are still here, they're just not the same. I'm kind of tired of change. I thrive on sameness, routine, whatever you want to call it. So the fact that I feel uprooted is hard. Being back in the States after Scotland is hard. Being back in Waco after an amazing summer is hard. But I'll get back into the swing of things eventually, I can only pray. I've gotten used to always meeting new people and being in new situations for the longest time; I feel like that's all my life is and while it's got its pluses [shout out Scottish/study abroad friends, SpringHill buds!], I'm stuck in a rut of missing it all when I'm back to what I called my second home, but it doesn't feel that way. I'm trying to live in the now, but it's hard when I'm not comfortable with it all yet again and everything I held so close is so many miles away. What is this? I sound so weird right now. I don't even know if that's really what it just kinda came out like that? But I'm too lazy to try to think of a better way to describe it.
Well, if there's one thing I'm missing that isn't a person or whatever, it's definitely the UK/European educational system. I've got to go do a bunch of homework and study for a big quiz...and wake my napping roommate. Ha.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

study abroad videos

I should probably post this on my study abroad blog, but that's gone into hiatus so no one's going to read it anymore and I'm really only posting these videos for those of you who read my blog and maybe don't get on facebook or have one at all, but would enjoy these videos! Also, the second one got removed because I don't have copyright to technically use the songs I did in it so that's a bummer. Hope it is still okay to try to put it on here. I'm not trying to break copyright; I just want to have a cool video!

Sunday, August 5, 2012

springhill lovin' had me a blast

Time certainly flies when you're having fun. This summer is pretty much over and I'm in shock at how quickly it went. I feel like it was just yesterday that I was driving to Seymour with a future coworker I barely knew, and now I know so many more people and every time we're together it is the best! I remember being overwhelmed going to training knowing no one, but now here I am finished with Week 8 and thus, my summer with SpringHill, and all those unfamiliar faces are the faces of good friends. I love looking back and seeing that change. I remember in training, they talked about how by week 5 or 6 you have everything down and you barely even need your curriculum book...I didn't think that'd ever come...but it's so true! I still use it, but I pretty much know the stories like the back of my hand and I love it. Our memory verse this summer has been Jeremiah 29:11-13 and believe me, I can recite it on a dime complete with motions, yet it has only been in the last week or so that I've really thought about what it says. It's such a promise-filled few verses and a great reminder for the future and all. I am constantly reminded of how I need to seek God and seek Him wholeheartedly to really find Him. I know He has a great plan for me, but hey, sometimes we all forget when things get crazy...He's not going to harm us! His plan will prosper us; His plan gives us hope! Oh what a beautiful thing.
I can't begin to tell you how thankful I have been for this summer. I knew from the minute I got off the phone after my interview, that I was supposed to work for SpringHill and I am ever so thankful that things didn't end up working out with another camp that I had wanted to work for maybe a little more at the start. I say it a lot but, I'll say it again, the Indy Day Camps team is the best. I love every one so much. It's going to be weird going back to school and 'normal' life without them. I have been so blessed by the encouragement my teammates give me and how challenged we are to grow in our faith daily. I needed that this summer for sure.
Going through SpringHill withdrawal. It's weird not being at the next site setting up Eurobungy, unpacking the trailer and finding out who my co for the week is. I'm done. I can sleep in Monday morning. I might even miss having dance parties every morning. Not seeing the people I've seen pretty much every day for the past 9 weeks is going to take some getting used to. Honestly though, saying goodbye on Friday wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be. Maybe I'm just weird and don't get emotional over goodbyes...but that's not true because the week before when it was only like 4 people leaving, I was on the verge of tears. Maybe it was because I knew I still had one more week and this week, almost everyone was done with camp so it wasn't like I was still working or missing out on as much? Who knows, but it creeps me out a little that I wasn't sadder. Maybe it just hasn't hit me; I'm not really a crier though, and I am missing everyone. 
My prayer for myself as I will soon be heading back to Texas for school is that I won't forget everything I learned this summer; I want to be able to apply the things I applied to myself this summer to my school constantly relying on God for strength, trying to step out of my comfort zone, also that I will be able to keep in touch with friends from the summer too! I don't want these friendships to just be short-lived, so many of these people I met mean so much to me and I can only pray that our friendships are meant to last!
I know this summer will be one that I won't forget and I am so blessed by it. Let's end this post with some fun photos of the summer, sure?

Week 1

hi-ad team minus steph

Michigan Smith skit

rock wall pros

awesome area!

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

internal processor

this is more for me because i need a quick write and my mind is spinning, but also for whoever actually reads this and knows me to some extent.
Just some things that are rolling through my mind right now. Today I guess was a really stressful day or something, because tonight as I was alone driving to Carmel, getting lost and hitting a breaking point to where I was feeling so overwhelmed/frustrated that I kept missing my turns and that traffic was bad, I found myself in tears. It was at that point that I was reminded of how glad I was to be going to Bible study because I'm Jesus deficient right now, even though I'm working at a camp that is all about Jesus. I also was reminded how I need my alone time and apparently I'd hit that point where I needed it bad, so also not completely pumped to be going to hang out with lots of people. I love my team, don't get me wrong at all, but I haven't had a lot of decompression time and the kids this week, even though they are smaller numbers, can be hard to handle. I don't even know where I'm going with this anymore.
Another thing, I know God loves me and I know that I'll never be able to comprehend it, but sometimes I forget or something. We read Luke 15:1-10 tonight and there's so much in there. Lost people, giving 100%, a loving God, found people. A lot of the time I think, I'm not living in that joy of knowing that I am loved no matter what and I am saved by grace and should be excited to share that with others. I think a lot of the time I get caught up in myself or distractions or worry about what others will think or that I'm not good enough, but I pray that I won't forget my value in God and I will be filled with a sense of urgency to go out and find those people who need God. Also, I'm not a huge expresser of emotion so even if I am really excited or something, I am not always good at effectively displaying it. I think another thing is that I'm not much of a sayer, I listen and am more to myself processing as opposed to hashing it out with others. Sometimes I'm down with that, but I'm horrible at articulating what I'm thinking so mostly I just sit and people look at me and I feel awkward never talking, but I don't know what to say or how to say it or someone else says what I was thinking so I'm like...yeahhh. Sigh, it's just frustrating to me and it's probably frustrating to other people that I'm not a talker, because I feel like that's the only way to get to know people more and I feel like I can't talk to anyone in real life well enough for them to really know me and I hate it. I don't want to dwell on this too long because I know again, God has a plan and a purpose for my life being how it is. There's a lot more I'm thinking about, but I need to get to sleep soon so I'm not crabby, I think that was part of it too tonight; I was tired and hot and that makes me crabby and easily frustrated. But again, so much of tonight has got me thinking about seeking the lost, applying myself to helping others find God, being reminded of God's great love for me, trying to figure out how I can be found by God, getting uncomfortable for Jesus...boy oh boy.
Just give me more Jesus.
1. Mentioned earlier, for a constant reminder of who I am in Christ, loved, valued, worth content with who/how I am.
2. That I will be filled with excitement and urgency for sharing the good news of God with others.
3. Help me to be able to share more with other people and make those deeper connections with teammates and even our campers this week too since it is a smaller week.
4. Patience.
5. Quality alone time. Hey just remembered tomorrow is solo time in the morning..although I was semi-excited for another small morning meeting...
I think that's it and I hope this makes some sense, even in writing sometimes I can't articulate my thoughts very well. Sigh. It's all good. Thanks for reading.

Sunday, June 24, 2012

look everybody, look who's back again!

So I still have to close my Scotland blog, but I don't have my journal with me that has what I want to end it with, so I'm bringing back this blog since it's been forever since I've blogged and I don't want to lose it. I want my blog to stay alive! Hopefully people will still be reading this. Ha.
Anyways, since being back from Scotland, things have been crazy. I only had 4 days at home until I headed down to Seymour, IN for training for working with SpringHill Day Camps- Indy Team! I was apprehensive about it at the start just because I was going in knowing no one or totally what I was getting myself into and not having that much time to process study abroad. I still feel like I haven't found closure on study abroad because I haven't had much time to really sit and take time to write my thoughts. I did a little before I left for Seymour, but didn't have time to finish or get it on my blog so when I'm home again, I will hopefully finish it! 
This is week 3 of day camps and so far, I'm really loving it. Last week was a rough week for me on the camper front. My campers were hard to deal with in many ways, but I made it through and am so blessed to have a team that looks out for each other. I'm realizing how every week is entirely different even if we are doing the same curriculum and the same activities; the campers and how everything flows is a little different at each location so I have to continually reminding myself that it's not going to be rainbows and butterflies every week and I have to rely on God. I can't do this on my own.
I know some people probably don't know exactly what I'm doing this summer, and I don't want to get super into it so I'll try to give a short synopsis. Basically we do day camp at different churches or schools every week; if you know SpringHill, we bring that experience the best we can to a day camp setting. We have flying squirrel and other high adventure activities as well as the classics like water and archery and tie dye. We have small groups and the big thing with SpringHill is how we incorporate faith and fun in everything we do. So we don't keep the Jesus stuff to just large group or small groups, but after everything we do we debrief it and try to have the kids make connections to the Bible stories we read or just God in general. It's great. I think that's one of the really neat things about SpringHill. I'm also as I said earlier, so blessed by this team. Everyone is amazing. Being in Scotland and not super connected into any church or with Christians was hard, especially since at Baylor I've got a great community of support. So coming back and basically going straight into camp with God at the core is nice. We have different areas that we do morning meetings and are the people we are partnered with throughout the summer and my group's pretty legit. It's actually not really been complete ever, but it's cool. Also, we have set-up and tear-down teams and I got placed on the high adventure team. At first I thought that was going to be horrible to be perfectly honest because high ad is really complex and is like all the really intense activities. But praise Jesus, it's not horrible at all. Some days it is frustrating because things don't work right or whatever, but the people on the team are legitimately some of my favorite people. I know they always say you shouldn't pick favorite campers, but no one said anything about picking favorite other counselors or whatever. Haha. But really, I'm in love with our whole Indy Day Camp team. Everyone is so encouraging and so much fun. Sometimes it is hard for me because I'm definitely an introvert and being around people constantly and having to be full of energy wears on me. I relish my alone time, which thankfully does exist even if it is in small doses.
To end this, I'd love to leave you with some prayer requests:
1. First, that I will remember to rely on God and to find my strength in Him and not myself and to look to Him to be filled up each day.
2. For this coming week, that I will work well with my co-counselor and that our kids will be better than the kids I had last week.
3. That the friendships I am forming will deepen into lasting relationships, not just for the summer.
4. That I won't let Satan bring me down in feeling like I'm not a good enough counselor or anything like that. That I will remember I am loved and valued by God and comparing myself to others isn't productive.

Thanks lovely readers!

Saturday, January 7, 2012

important news!

Hey friends, readers, whoever,
As some of you probably know, I'm studying abroad this coming semester in Edinburgh, Scotland! I am going to make a separate blog for my study abroad adventures. Please add it to your favorites or whatever if you're interested in reading about my experiences across the pond!

yeah. this blog will be on hiatus while i'm abroad. so go to bagpipe beth! =)

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

we've got to rise up

this is probably going to be a work in progress blog. like i'm starting it at 11:09 pm on January 3rd but it probably won't get posted till later because I'll have more to add to it.
so let's start by saying that sometimes i really hate technology but now is not one of those times. some generous people made it possible for the Passion 2012 conference to be streamed live from Atlanta so people all over the world can experience it too! Last night I watched David Crowder* Band's last performance as a full band. I may have gotten a little emotional but it was fantastic albeit the abrupt ending because the stream stopped and then they did an encore which the stream wasn't restarted for. meh. Then today I watched part of the first session live. Then I watched the last session live which was amazing. It was my first time hearing Francis Chan speak and let me tell you. That man is filled with passion for Jesus and the Word. He has been blessed. He is so powerful, yet what he speaks is so simple. Beautiful. After that ended I decided to watch the middle session of today that I missed. I didn't watch it straight through; I skipped some singing stuff but once Christine Caine started speaking I watched to the end. And that's where my title of this post comes from. Matt Redman and some others wrote this song called "27 Million" the number of slaves that exist TODAY in the world. It is going to be released to secular radio in the UK and US and eventually Australia. I can't wait to see how God moves in the world through that song. The chorus is "We've got to rise up..." oops sorry I don't remember it anymore. Just you wait till spring when it kicks off on the radio and BE MOVED.
It's now Wednesday afternoon. Just finished watching the afternoon session. I watched the morning session too. This is the life. I love getting to experience Passion to some extent from home. Obviously it isn't exactly the same, missing out on the community groups and such, but it's pretty dang good. You get the worship, the speakers, the emotions. It's awesome.
The hardest part for me though is how I feel so much and I want to be able to do things, to make a difference, to help stop human trafficking [that's a lot of the focus of this conference this year], but there's only so much I can do. Christine Caine said something this afternoon that encouraged me to not lose heart. PRAYER. People, it works! She said it's something we all can do. Don't discount what a difference it makes. She went on to share this story: I don't remember when exactly it was, maybe it was legitimately 3 days ago? Anyways, we're gonna go for it. So someone felt like the girls of the "-stan" nations needed some real prayer. This person posted on their twitter "Pray for the girls of the -stan nations." People prayed. 3 days pass and there comes word to A21? [that's Christine's organization created to bring restoration and freedom to girls caught in sex trafficking] that 11 girls from Uzbekistan were freed in northern Greece. That apparently never happens and was a huge deal. The girls share their part of the story. They said that 3 days earlier they had been praying to Allah to get them out of the hellhole they were in. They'd been praying that for a year. Then they remembered someone who had told them about this God of Europe who they remembered his name was they prayed to Jesus something like "If you're really real, get us out of here!" and then 3 days later they are freed! PRAYER WORKS. that's really what I'm getting at here. If you feel like you can't do anything, just pray. It's miracle bringing. It's encouraging when you feel overwhelmed by everything and want to make a difference. You can! Pray. AH! I love it.
Also, please check out and find out how many slaves are working for you. That sounds awful, but it's true. Everything you've eaten, bought, what you're wearing was most likely made possible because of a slave. It's a little hard to take in, but we can change it! The creators of the site are creating resources and this app and ways we can share with the stores etc to bring awareness and to make a change in the industry so less things are slave-created, more slaves can be freed, and what we consume as a world will not be made by someone in slavery. Share your footprint with others so more people can jump on board and things can change!
I don't want to be a part of the stragglers who do nothing, who hide out but say "Yes! We did it!" when great things happen. I want to be like Jonathan and his weapon bearer who went and took on the army of Philistines because they knew God was with them. If I'm not a Jonathan then I want to be a part of the second group who sees those few going and then they support and help out the few to bring about the ultimate outcome of freedom or whatever movement. (Check out 1 Samuel 14 if you want to read the thing straight from the Word of God!)
I realize this blog is very choppy, but I'm hoping someone will get something out of this. There's a lot to take in, maybe you should just check out and get a dose of Jesus for yourself!