Sunday, May 29, 2011

introverted heaven

this post brought to you by: my favorite blog and a new obsession

So, if you haven't been reading my blog for very long, you may not have caught my inspiration for the random letter blogs I do. Well thanks, again to Today's Letters (this time via their twitter...!/todaysletters) I felt inspired. She tweeted about being alone for the night and called it 'introverted heaven'. I feel like more and more I'm seeing how I'm totally an introvert and I think I really like it. Maybe it's because my sister and I had our house to ourselves for a week, or maybe it's because I don't feel like as many of my friends actually want to hang out, but I really like being alone and just chillin'. It gives me time where I can just sit and listen to music, watch movies, bake cookies, or actually be productive. Lately, I just feel like being around too many people just makes me antsy to leave and be alone. I'm not a loner; I do like hanging out with people. But I feel so much more at ease and energized being by myself. Funny, this is totally opposite of what ironically my older sister wrote on her blog the other day. She's energized by being with people, even if it's just going somewhere and people watching. Shoot, I like people watching, but it's not something I'd pick to do over sitting at home and reading a book. I feel like being introverted makes me lazy and maybe that's a whole other aspect of who I am, but it's just been hard for me to feel motivated to do much and I feel like I don't have any real passion that I can put a finger on. I like doing stuff like reading and watching movies and eating and napping and writing people letters, but none of that really transfers into a passion. I'm totally getting to a new topic so, I'd better stop for now and save that stuff for later.
Good night!
Oh, I didn't mention my new obsession. haha. Perhaps as a result of my introvertedness and spending time alone and lack of real desire to go do things, I've started watching The O.C. Judge all you want; I know it's totally ridiculous, but I like it, okay?

Friday, May 27, 2011

where is the sun?

Dear Clouds and rain, Enough of this. Seriously, storms are only cool when they don't happen everyday. Also, I think I've seen the sun like 5 times since I've been home and that's really not going to cut it. Not seeing the sun makes me grumpy and sad and lazy. It already sucks that I don't have a job yet, so you could at least make it nice to get out of the house more often.

Dear Westfield sweatshirt, You're my favorite. Sorry I didn't bring you to college. Pretty sure that finding you during the summer in the cafeteria while running inside because it was raining [surprise surprise?] like 3 summers ago was fate. I'm almost glad it's only like 55 degrees right now.

Dear Friday, It's been a nice week. No, I won't sing the song. I'm too busy already gettin' down and going to bake cookies.
best sweatshirt ever.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

more like Jesus

So a good friend of mine wrote me a letter and asked me "Do you ever feel you are trying to be more like other people instead of more like Jesus?" and that really got me thinking. I think that's how I've been living my life, comparing myself to others, wanting to be more like them when I should be wanting to be more like Jesus. Granted, the people I want to be like are passionate followers of Jesus, but I can't just want to be like them; I have to work at being more like Jesus and then maybe when someone sees me they'll see a passionate lover and follower of Jesus, trying to live like Him daily, not live like someone else. Often I find myself dwelling on what I think is wrong with me, my shortcomings and getting all down on myself because I'm not good at this like so-and-so or I'm not as smart as so-and-so. Ultimately, I should be taking my shortcomings and bringing them to Jesus, seeing how I need Him always and that through His grace and mercy, He can help me overcome like He already has. Seriously, I amaze myself sometimes. I know what I'm supposed to do, or well what I should do, what's better for me to do than get all bent out of shape over little things, but I think that I can do it fine on my own or that even if I do believe God can help me and that I need to be always looking towards God, I don't truly believe it. I'm working on that. I've found some devotional books in my room that I've never looked at so I'm giving them a go and so far, I like it. I'm going through this book that's 30 ways to get to know God or something like that. It's short and to the point which I like; I just wish it had more references. Nbd. That's why I can just look stuff up myself in my Bible or on Blue Letter Bible app I have on my ipod. Holler back.
Okay well I just kinda let that all spill out and I'm not sure if it makes sense or anything, but I'm not going to go back and read through it because then I'll end up not posting it. It's not like that really matters because I don't really care how many people actually read this, while it would be nice to get more 'traffic' that's not really my goal. I just want to get my thoughts out there somewhere. If someone reads it and is inspired or whatever then good for them. Yay. Happy Tuesday.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

i don't understand.

There are many things in life that I don't understand. Is it bad that often times I don't understand myself? People always say you know yourself the best or whatever. I could be wrong, but there's so much about myself I'd love to have answers to. Alas, there will most likely never be an answer and by the time I get to Heaven, it will be irrelevant because I'll just be praising Jesus and all that jazz. So why does it bother me so much now to not have answers to things I'm almost 100% sure I won't ever have answers to? God put these things in my life and I will make it through. I don't have to know why; I just have to trust that God's got it under control. Because He really does. That's one of those things that I don't get either. Like I know in my head that He's all-powerful, loves me unconditionally, is always there for me, and has a plan for my life. But my heart can't seem to always connect to that. Why? Why do I feel like no matter how hard I try I'm still going to be stuck in the same old spot I feel like I've lived my whole life? Why can't something big happen and change my life for the good forever? Why can't I be satisfied with the way I am? Why is it that I can't hold onto that spiritual high? Why can others? How do I get like them? Why is it so hard? Who can I trust? Who can't I trust? Why does that matter so much? Why does anything matter so much? Bahh. I could go on. But I'm already feeling bogged down with unansweredness and I'd rather not sit here too long or I will mull over this stuff for hours and I honestly don't want that when all that started this was one little thing that lasted like a minute. No big deal. So there's no need for me to make it into more or try to find answers when God's the only one with answers. He's got my back.
Plus the world's supposed to end in like 12 min. But it was also supposedly ending at 6 earlier this evening. Clearly, we're all still here. and that's a whole nother concept that boggles my mind. God's the only one who's going to know and it really shouldn't matter. Live each day like it's your last. Ha. Soo much easier said than done. If it truly were my last I wouldn't want to be sitting at home all day reading and watching Hulu or whatever I end up spending my days doing lately. I'd want to buy a plane ticket and travel to unsearched places. Meet more people. And not be ashamed of who I am in Christ. Sharing and praising God everywhere I go, you know. That and I'd like to climb the Appalachian Trail and buy a puppy.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

hello summer

Dear Summer, Is it bad I'm already tired of you? Plus you aren't even in the 70s/80s for me to warrant it at least feeling hot and summeresque outside. Sheesh.

Dear Nanny people, I'd like it much more if you actually seemed interested in talking to me instead of just saying you totally are and then taking forever and a day to get back to me. I can't do this. I need a job asap. So please, get back to me and accept me even if I haven't done a ton of official babysitting. I still am good with kids!! If you don't want me to nanny for you, refer me to someone who does?

Dear God, Let's try to meet more this summer, okay? I'll try to not be so out of touch. Sorry, I don't have any legitimate excuses as to why I'm not spending time with you. I just want that passion a lot of my Texan friends have.

Dear Gas prices, Thanks for going under $4. But you can do better than that. If I want to get out of my house and not go broke, you're gonna have to work with me a little more. Please? I really appreciate it. You don't want me to be stuck and bored in my house all day. One week is enough. I need to see other people other than my family. As much as I love them. =)

Monday, May 9, 2011

monday letters

Dear Sunburn, GO AWAY. You're so itchy. I guess that's what I get for not putting sunscreen on my chest. Now I get to show you off when I wear v-necks. So classy.

Dear Research paper, I can't believe I got a 95%. I'm so happy. That means I got an A in English!! Yes! Too bad I still won't make the Dean's List. Oh well, I'm over it.

Dear Dorm Room, I'm so ready to get outta here. I literally have nothing to do for 2 days. Well the rest of today and then all tomorrow. So lame. But there's nothing I can do about it. It'd be nice though if you'd warm up a little. I'm so cold at night. You'd think my fleece blanket would be fine, but nooo. I guess it's a little thin, but really, you're just freezing all the time and that's not okay.

Dear Taco place, I don't remember your actual name. I just know your food was tasty and cheap and I'd definitely like to hit you up again in the future. I'm going to miss all the yummy tacos, quesadillas, etc that are so prevalent here. No more driving down the road and seeing at least 3 taquerias on the same road.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

oh these days

Dear Country music, I can't believe I'm listening to you on my own time, not because someone is forcing to me while we're in the same car or whatever. This doesn't mean I love you, but I definitely can tolerate you a little more.

Dear Texas, I think I'm going to miss you a lot this summer. You like it when I say "y'all", but laugh at me when I still sometimes say "pop" not "soda".

Dear Acts Church, Your study night last night was great. Awesome snacks, and y'all are SO nice. Plus I got to hang out with my friends. Always a good time.

Dear Homestead Heritage, I could totally live here. So simple and sustainable. I couldn't help but think about how much my family would love a place like HH. (Reason to visit me again sometime? =)) Your breakfast was legit. All of us lifegroup girls are obsessed.
study partyyy.